It’s quiet uptown

Things that cross my mind during quarantine:

(oh wait – there is no quarantine in Sweden)

People are being stupid and selfish and unsafe. But at the same time, I am also so grateful to be able to go to the forest and feel the sunshine on my skin. Nature is showing us all kinds of beauty. 

My body is mush and my leg hair grows too fast. I feel strong during actual workouts and can get back to more than one pull-up. (The leg hair thing is still annoying.)

I eat when I’m bored. I’m jealous of people who “forget to eat” i don’t know.. something about food nourishing my body.. 

Even if we weren’t sheltering in place who would I actually being hanging out with? Adult friendships are hard but you aren’t alone. 

I was supposed to be at home during this Spring Break. This is temporary, you can visit another time. Planes still exist.

I have about 20 more pages of this thesis paper to write. In about a month I’ll have a masters degree.

I cleaned the entire apartment on Thursday. It’s already a mess again. Cleaning was a great jump back into a fave podcast, Stuff You Missed in History Classs

Self pity is really, really easy. Being gentle with yourself is really, really hard. I tell my students all the time “it’s okay that things are hard. You can do hard things.” And I guess I should take that advice.

In Swedish you can say that you had to ‘prata av mig lite’ .. that you had to ‘talk off yourself’ … (I had to type all that out to remember that in English the saying is “get it out of your system”)

Thanks for letting me ‘prata av mig’
Puss

 

 

 

 

I realize its February and not July..

Week 44

A haiku

Being a teacher
No one else has vacation
Paris, Rome – come too?

 

SAS Youth Tickets work until you turn 25. Where do you go in October? I hear New Mexico has a hot air balloon festival..

you belong among the wildflowers

Laugavegur, Iceland 2019

Our little 4th tradition

John Adams, in a letter to Abigail Adams, wrote:

“I am apt to believe that [the 4th of July] will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”

(Not only did a Still this from a friend’s FB post, but I didn’t seek out any fireworks to watch this year..)

But happy birthday Swenglish

Love.

because posting once a year never feels quite like enough

Yarn

That night when you kissed me, I left a poem in your mouth. You can hear some of the lines every time you breathe out. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written. I’m still working on my rhythm. My tongue gets tied sometimes. My throat gets dry. My voice starts trembling, Honestly, the only thing I’ve mastered is how to write a really good ending. But I’m getting pretty tired of finish lines. So this morning I bought a needle and a thread and started stitching you a sunrise. And the seams are tattered and torn because I got the cloth from an old shirt I was wearing the first time the world started tearing me open, and I’ve been choking for my breath since then. Have you ever spent a whole year hoping the morning wouldn’t come? I’ve had a band-aid in one hand and the other a gun. Somethings been screaming “fire kid!” but somethings still screaming “live!” So, Baby, write me a bridge away from the storm. I don’t know the words to the song you were born to sing, but I know your fingers will bleed when you play the cords and maybe you’ll need me then like I need you now when I say that I miss you I mean something more. I mean I’ve been biding my time till you kiss me again. I keep poems like secrets and then tell them when I’m tried of hiding who I am. I am missing you most in the silence between songs on my favorite record. Sometimes it takes so long for the music to start. Is there a shoreline where the seaweed holds the rocks so tight they soften into sand? Is it too late to say that’s how my heart feels in your hands? Like you could sift it through an hour glass and pass it off as time never stood still, and neither did I. But I will if you let me. in your arms I forget what the yarn knows of sweaters. I forget how to hold myself together . So if I unfold now like a love letter tell me you’ll write back soon. Tell me you’ll still come untethered. I saw the moon last night for the first time in months. She reminded me of you, slouching, stubborn in the light. I’d fight battles with the sun to rest against you tonight. To feel feel your breath on my pillow, those song birds outside your window are dropping feathers like I dropped words. I’m cold from all that came out wrong. I sleep alone now. Even when I don’t, I sleep backbone to floorboard because they’re softer than regret. Don’t let me go, don’t let me go yet. I traced your silhouette on the skyline. Your crooked spine bent meadows into mountains. I climbed to watch the sunset. The sky never looked so gorgeous. All those falling stars, so sick and tired of being famous. That man next door with his old violin. I swore his song could save us.

– Andrea Gibson

Things ENFJs need to be reminded of sometimes

I don’t put SO much stock into personality things because everyone is different, but I thought these weren’t awful.

1. You deserve to have feelings of your own.


ENFJS draw their greatest joy from the happiness of others, which means that their own feelings are often put on the back burner. No matter what’s going on with those around them, ENFJs need to remember that their own feelings are important – and that they ought to be nurtured just as carefully as the feelings of those around them.

2. Not all decisions are set in stone.


ENFJs take decision-making very seriously. They don’t fancy the thought of backtracking on a choice, especially if that choice involves a commitment to someone else. This occasionally means that they will stay in bad situations longer than necessary.

Every ENFJ needs the occasional reminder that it’s okay to change their minds. Re-evaluating our priorities is a natural part of being human in this ever-changing world, and nobody should feel guilty for exercising that right. In the long run, a change of plans might even work out best for everyone.

3. Some people only learn the hard way.


There is nothing more painful for an ENFJ than being around a struggling friend who will not accept help. At these times, it is important to remember that the process of coming to a decision is often just as important for loved ones as actually reaching it is. While an ENFJ may genuinely see the best path for someone they are close to, supporting someone as they find their own way can ultimately be more helpful than simply pointing them in the right direction.

4. It is not your personal responsibility to solve everyone’s problems.


ENFJs take the weight of everyone else’s’ issues on their shoulders — which can be a heavy burden to bear. ENFJs need to remember that taking on a problem does not mean it is their fault if things do not work out — any help they give is simply a bonus.

5. You are probably doing more than you’re being given credit for.


ENFJs thrive off validation, but don’t always receive it from those around them. When this happens, ENFJs tend to get down on themselves and believe the lack of feedback is because they are not trying hard enough. Nine times out of ten, this is not the case. Every ENFJ needs to remember that not being thanked does not always mean not being appreciated — chances are they’re silently appreciated every single day.

6. You, more than anyone else, deserve your own care and concern.


ENFJs are almost always the strong “Mama or Papa Bears” of any group. They are constantly watching out for their friends, but not always monitoring their own well being. ENFJs need to remember that their own health and happiness is just as important as that of the people they protect – after all, a group of cubs is lost without their healthy Mama bear.

Still not giving up

8th Birthday for this gem.

Still not giving up (even though it was a whole year since posting. Life is a little weird like that.) Things go in waves. People go in waves.

Enjoy the Velveteen Rabbit, I do.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nanna came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

– Margery Williams

Birthdays

Happiest 7th birthday Swenglish.

We haven’t talked in a while. I miss you.