So, after the posting the Dating a Scandinavian article, I’ve gotten more verbal questions about it than I usually do about my blog posts. (Which I have to say is fairly exciting.. people actually read this stuff!)
But, I decided, to talk a little about how it is for a half-Swede to recognize both sides of the “argument.”
Marrying a Scandinavian
Let me answer the last question first: Yes, many of us choose not to get married but that doesn’t mean that we don’t live together or have children in well-established partnerships.
True. A lot of my family members aren’t married, but live together and are in committed relationships. Granted, you have to keep in mind how secular Sweden is these days. Many non-religious people don’t really see the point of marriage and roll with the idea of “samb0-er”
I have no idea which of my friends are married and which “only” live together. But I know from statistics that more people live together than are married.
It is weird to have to double -think about the majority of couples that I know in Sweden and wonder if they’re married or not. Of course, a lot of the couples I know, I know through church.. which opens another ball game about whether or not 19 year olds have gotten married yet… but like I said, different ball game.
Dating a Scandinavian
I’ve always been fascinated by American date movies because it’s like watching some weird rituals in some far-away country I don’t know very much about.
HA. I can’t even begin to describe how many times I’ve been asked about what kind of “high school” dates I’ve been on. Does he pick you up? Does he pay for dinner? Is there like, a local date night place?
Dating rules
So to make it clear what I’m talking about: As far as I understand it, dating in so many non-Scandinavian countries may consist of a man asking a woman he doesn’t know very well to go out to dinner and/or a movie with him, his picking her up and dropping her off afterwards and his paying the bills and making the decisions, and the first date ends with a kiss at the most?
Fairly accurate right? Of course, there aren’t any rules about how well you know one another before the date. And there’s not always a kiss. (Then there’s the whole paying thing, but for a second let’s stay old school and say he pays.)
Dating rules – the Scandinavian version
- We don’t flirt with strangers. There`s no chance of you “meeting” someone you don’t know and asking her out/him asking you out. That’s, of course, unless we’re drunk. We might flirt if we’re drunk. True. Swedes don’t know how to drink. They flirt drunk.Americans.. well, I flirt with a lot of people.. that’s my personality type. Talking to strangers has never been a big deal for me (introverted Swedes don’t understand that..)
- We don’t ask people out, especially people we don’t know. That’s, of course, unless we’re drunk. We might (if we can still talk) say something along the lines of “doyouwanttogotoamoviewithmetomorrow?” if we’re really drunk. Did I mention that Scandinavians aren’t great conversationalists?
Again with the introverts. I’ve seen it before. Swedes are shy, and then get them a little tipsy and they’ll go bankrupt giving you all their pennies for their thoughts.
- We do not go to restaurants with strangers. We might, though, go to a restaurant with a group of friends and “accidentally” manage to grab the seat next to that hot person we’ve been eying for the last six months.
HA. Swedes and their awkward group dates. Such a fun show to watch.
- We do not – and I stress NOT – let the guy pay for dinner.
This one I’m not quite sure about. I know the American way is that he pays most of the time. And I’ve been in situations in Sweden where we split the check (granted that eating out in Sweden is fairly expensive and we were young, broke highschoolers.) But, I’ve also been in situations where he’s paid for everything. I guess in the beginning of relationships, its fairly normal for American guys to pay. (Then again, I’ve watched a lot of my guy friends get walked over by girls who expect too much.. so, this can be a “situation by situation” kind of thing.)
- If you’re a woman and you’re waiting for a Scandinavian man to take the initiative, you might be in for a long wait. I’m not saying they never do take initiative but the Scandinavian men who do, are rarely the ones you want to meet. They are fairly rare and they only take initiative for sex.
Unfortunately fairly true for “typical” scandinavians..
This one is weirdly sad in my opinion. I mean, I know its fairly true, but I wish it wasn’t. I’ll never really understand the whole mind set that some how sex can come before a defined relationship. - We don’t drive to and from dates.
This I just really like. Of course, it means that you don’t always get car conversation, which can sometimes be my favorite conversation of the whole evening.. but I love the public transportation system too much to hate on Sweden for number 6.
- We do not date more than one person at a time. Yes, yes, I know we don’t date at all but if we do start to “hang out” or we see a person in a way that both have acknowledges is not as friends. If we do kiss and flirt with more than one person, we’re cheating (which, of course, also happens but is always considered bad behavior).
Sweden is going to have to win on this one too. Of course, most Americans wouldn’t want to admit that they flirt with more than one person..But we all know that it happens. Everyone loves attention and sometimes that can get us in trouble.
- We’re extremely slow on the uptake but that doesn`t mean we don’t spend time with the person we’ve fallen in love with. It just means we sometimes have a hard time getting up, close and personal with that one person we really like.
Kiss someone sober in Sweden, and you’re basically golden. 😛 It all relates back to the introverts again. Swedes have trouble being open with people they don’t know all that well. (lame sauce)
- We may be exclusive from the get-go but we still go out with our friends. And life is too short for jealousy.
10 points to Sweden for this one.
- Do these nine points sound scary or confusing? They aren’t to us. Statistics show that we’re pretty equal in these parts of the world.
Scandinavians always win the charts when questions like “happiness” are asked. Of course, lots of things affect these charts, but I wonder sometimes if their way of dating plays a part in it. There’s some sort of terrifying 56% divorce rate in Sweden currently.. and I wonder if not getting married combats that somehow. Being half-Swedish, I don’t agree with some of the points on the list. Then again, even if I was completely Swedish I wouldn’t agree with some of them.
Marriage is really cool if you ask me. Sacred. (and scary)Thankfully I have a lot of time before thinking about it.Thanks for reading
Krugs + Blessings
Daniella Beck 